How do you inhabit a body you hate?
Imagine that you were born in a house that you loved, that gave you security and that you enjoyed being there because it gave you the warmth that only a family home provides. Over the years you began to notice that there were many types of houses, but that only one type of house was "The ideal house" and you started dreaming about her; and at the same time, you realized that your house was totally different from that "ideal house", so everything that you liked began to seem not so pretty, nor so pleasant to live there.
As the years went by you saw that many houses in your neighborhood began to look like "the ideal house", and yours stood out among the others because it was very different, you even received some comments and advice to make your house look like the others .
At first it was exciting to remodel your house, it seemed like you were going to live the "perfect" life, you painted it, bought new furniture, accessories, etc., but you began to forget about living in that house, you worked more, you spent all your time comparing your house with the others, looking for advice to improve it and
make it more similar, in short you were so focused on having "The ideal house" that there was no longer space to be present and the saddest and most frustrating thing is that there was always something to repair and work on. That is to say, there was no end, "The ideal house" It never came even though it stole your existence.
This same thing happens when for years you have lived fighting against your body, "The ideal body" If you manage to achieve it, it costs a lot of work, the most unfortunate thing is that for many people like me it cost me my life.
For years I hoped that others would see in me the dedication and effort I put into staying slim, I liked hearing those compliments about my perseverance and discipline and how my body looked. Sometimes when I managed to gain some weight and I had periods of bulimia, I wanted others to accept my size, weight, body fat, cellulite, and so on, but in reality what I did was reflect my own thoughts on others; I was looking for acceptance on the outside and not inside, because letting go of the idea of the "ideal body" It was terrifying.
For years my body was the enemy to defeat, I didn't know what it was like to be with it and take care of it, I didn't learn to respect it and much less love it. I inhabited it hating it, wishing to live in a different body, complaining to destiny why I was not different, because I was like that; and the voice of the TCA used that weapon to continue digging that dead end pit, creating more repulsion and more evidence to support that my body was a mistake and I should change it.
Today recovered and after carrying out this daily process (which I continue to do) I have DECIDED to accept my body, notice that I say "decided", because I consciously choose that I cannot do anything to control my body without damaging my mind and my soul; Therefore, the control that society presents to me as a solution is not, because in reality it leads me to be controlled by the expectations of a market that does not give a damn about who I am and, much less, respects my integrity as a woman and being. human. That is why I choose to believe and surrender to the wisdom and love of God and based on that belief, I am sure that I have the ability to inhabit this body that has become my home today.
I do not love my body, that would be lying to myself, however, I accept it, respect it and thank it for giving me the opportunity every day to enjoy the experiences of my life, that I can hug my children, that I can play with them, that I can sit down and enjoy a movie, I can exercise, I can dance, I can...... and that for me is a radical change
That's why I tell you that inhabiting your body is not about seeking perfection, it is accepting that your body image is determined by many external and internal factors that sometimes you don't even imagine. That a beautiful body has nothing to do with the empty concept of beauty that diet culture sells us, on the contrary, it has to do with what you can do through it, with what you can feel and above all It is a divine gift to achieve a fuller life and closer to love.
